The BIG 4-5

We all lie. No? Just me? Well let me take the time to confess something: While I am generally a very honest person, I have a lie I tell all the time. And I’ve gotten really good at it. We’ve all been there. Standing around at a party, making small talk, and then someone blasts you with the ever-popular: “So, how are you guys doing? How’s work?” And I go: “Great. Great. We’re doing great. Life is great. Work is great. We’re happy with where we are at the moment.” And even as I say it – the words ooze out of my mouth, because they feel ‘wrong’. They feel wrong because they feel untrue. Note that I use the word “feel” because just because something “feels” untrue, does not mean that it is.

In a little over a month, I’ll be turning 45. 45! I mentioned this to someone the other day and they said: “No Way! You have good skin for your age.” Another person said: “You don’t act 45!” I’m not too sure how I feel about either of these comments, so I just said an awkward: ‘Thank you?!?’ Milestone birthdays tend to mess with our heads and hearts a little bit, don’t they? Have I done enough? How am I tracking when I look at the other 45-year-olds on Instagram? Is this where I thought I would be at this stage in my life? And the problem with this kind of thinking is that it assumes that there is only one right way to live. One path for all of us. But what if my path looks a little less than perfect, but is still good?

I’m not going to lie, well… not anymore. But my life has not gone according to plan. Well, according to my plan anyway. I got married at 32, a little later than I had planned, but hey, I had to wait for my beautiful wife to come along. I grew up in a severely dysfunctional family. I never managed to build the perfect career path (partly because I still don’t entirely know what I want to do). I wanted a large family, at least 13 children, only to discover that I couldn’t have biological kids of my own. Disappointment breeds discontentment. And the sad thing about discontentment is that it can linger far after its sell-by date.

Imagine for a moment you’ve won the lottery. 22 million dollarbucks (yes, that is a Bluey reference.) The money has been transferred into your bank account, it’s yours. But you wake up the next morning, you put on those same old clothes. You head to the gym, then to work. You come home, eat your microwave meal, watch some Netflix and head to bed. Sounds crazy doesn’t it? But that’s what discontentment does. Sometimes, our seasons of disappointment have ended, but we remain discontent despite the blessings that have grown out of the rocky soil of those seasons. One of the most freeing that we can do is to look around us and realise: “Hey, things have changed. Maybe not all the way. Maybe I’m not there yet. But I have blessings in this season that I did not have before.”  

This past Sunday we celebrated the fact that our daughter had been with us for three years now. After 7 years of battling with Infertility and trying to conceive, Maya and I, decided to adopt. We became parents at an age when some of the other parents our age had kids in high school. We both initially pursued ministry paths, with me leaving a job as a Varsity lecturer to become a Pastor at a local church, and Maya serving as a Children’s Pastor at that same church. This, coupled with a year of unemployment for both of us, meant that financially, we were a few steps behind everyone else. So much so, that we had decided in our hearts that we would probably never have a home of our own.  And don’t get me wrong, we were content with that, well, for the most part. Fast forward a few years and we have a beautiful home we’re slowly but surely paying off. Gift. We have a daughter we fall more and more in love with every day. Gift. I do a job that I love. Gift. I get to write. Gift. We are learning to be thankful, both for what we have, and for where we are in each season, even the rocky ones.

Does this mean that discontentment no longer grabs hold of us? No. In fact we often still make the mistake of giving the enemy a voice and a seat at our table. I have a wistful personality that likes new and interesting. I get bored when things remain the same for too long. So I need recalibration more than most. When I say recalibration, I mean, I need to hear the opinion over my life, my progress, my career, my marriage, my parenting, that matters most and is MOST true. I need to sit at the feet of Jesus and ask Him: “Are you happy with where I am?” No other opinion matters. 

Where has the enemy convinced you that you are behind, or on the back foot? Maybe you have made mistakes or choices in the past that have disadvantaged you and you are still living out the repercussions of those choices. And maybe, you’ve stopped believing that God can redeem those seasons. You know what makes all the difference? These three things: If I know whose I am (I am a child of God), and I know who my Father is (a restorer of hope), and I know in who I am (I am in Christ), then the world’s definition of who I “should” be and of what “successes” I should have achieved mean very little. But if I can look my Father in the eye and hear Him say: “You are exactly where I want you to be in this season!”, then I can walk briskly and proudly into 45 with a smile on my face. And you know what, if I’m not where I am supposed to be, then it’s never too late for Him to reroute me or redeem future seasons of my life. But for Him to do that, we have to surrender our lives to Him.

St Augustine once said the following:

“Without God, we cannot. Without us, God will not.”

About a week ago, it happened again. Someone came up to me and asked: “How are you guys doing? How’s life?” And as my reply passed my lips, I felt something shift within me, because for the first time in as long as I can remember, it was true. “We are good. We are content.”

So let me ask you, dear Reader, if you are feeling that you don’t measure up in the world’s eyes, could you do me a favour? For the next few days, sit with God and ask Him to start revealing the blessings you are surrounded by in this season and simply ask Him the question: “Father, am I where you want me to be?”

The answer may surprise you…