When Life’s not fair (but God’s still good)

The last few weeks have been a doozy, dear Reader. As you know, I collect stories. And sometimes, I even get to live them. This week, I thought I’d get something off my chest. Here goes: life is not fair, and sometimes, it does not work out the way it should. There, I’ve said it.

In the last few weeks alone, we’ve had friends lose a child. Another friend is in a career crisis. Another shared that they’re completely burnt out. On a less sombre, but still inopportune note, our little girl brought home the flu (or the pox, as I affectionately call it). And I got to spend two delightful nights on her floor as she battled fevers, and then promptly started to develop fevers of my own. All at a time when work is overwhelmingly hectic. Life is not fair.

Sometimes we find our life derailing because of decisions and actions we’ve undertaken, sometimes, it’s the actions of another person that derail us, and sometimes, it’s no one’s fault; it simply is the reality of living in a fallen world.

Oh boy, I can hear you think. This is going to be depro. But wait, don’t go. I’m hoping that if you hear me out, we’ll land somewhere good.

Recently, as a Church, we’ve been wading through 1 and 2 Samuel. And we’ve been looking at the life trajectories of King Saul and King David. Both flawed men. Both had promising starts, but very different endings. One ended up going mad and dying horribly in battle. The other is described as a man after God’s heart. What made them different? And, which trajectory would you want your life to follow?

Because, honestly, I’ve met both of them in this life. Those who have allowed the things that did not work out to consume them to the point of bitterness, depression and instability. And then there are those who have chosen to pursue God, even in the hardest of seasons.

I told you about our friends who lost a little one. What I didn’t tell you was that I was asked to do the funeral. As I started to speak, I couldn’t help but sob. Both because of my love for my friends, and my sadness for their (and our) loss, but also for the sheer unfairness of it all. In that same service, I watched them praise God and give Him glory, despite their pain and unanswered questions. My wife and I looked at each other, and asked, would we be able to do the same if we found ourselves where they find themselves now? And we’re all journeying with them through the realities of their next days, because declaring that God is good, does not negate the questions, the sadness, or the pain. It is possible to both acknowledge God’s goodness and faithfulness and to be angry, or heartbroken that this has happened. Both can exist in the same space. And both can be true.

If we live long enough, we will all have faith-testing experiences. We will lose jobs, spouses, children, friends… The question is: what will we do when we find ourselves there? Because we have two choices. We can go the Saul route. As our choices find us at rock bottom, we can go mad, we can hunt down our enemies, so to speak. We can become bitter and walk away from the very God who gave us everything we have. Or we can choose to be like David, who was by no means perfect, but chose to run to God whenever He found himself in spaces and places that were beyond him.

Some situations, he did not choose. Some things that happened were a direct result of his own sin. But in every situation, when he was at the end of himself, he ran to God. He chose to worship. He repented of his sin. Or asked for help when things he had not chosen were now upon him. And then he had to walk out the repercussions of his actions with grace, humility, and God’s help.

Where we run when we are at the end of ourselves will make all of the difference in this life. Where do you run, friend? I’ve run to food, to entertainment, to social media, to work. I’ve tried to numb out with whatever made me feel “better” in hard seasons. And you know what, these things all brought temporary relief, but could not fix what was going on inside of me.

When anxiety, fear, anger, loss, despression were running rampant through my veins, none of these things could bring me peace. Only Jesus could, and can.

So, whether you’ve lost someone you love, or your career has ended and you need God’s wisdom to know what to do now. Whether you’ve made some bad decisions and lost everything, or maybe need God to help you fix a mess you did not make, but nevertheless are neck deep in. If you find yourself at the end of yourself, go to Him. Reach for Him. Because the truth is, His hand is waiting outstretched, ready to catch you and pull you out of the waves that have threatened to consume you. He’s there, simply, take His hand. And start to tell Him the truth of what is going on inside of your heart. If you’re angry, be angry, He can take it. If you’re scared, tell Him why. If you’re heartbroken, there’s no better place to be than in the presence of the one who can start to mend a broken heart.

“But I’m so angry”, I hear you say. Or, “I had all of these dreams for what life would be”. And I hear you. We’ve been through infertility, failed IVFs, lost two parents and close family, unemployment and seasons of waiting. But the encouragement I can bring is that God HAS been faithful. And He’s never left us, and He won’t leave you. Nothing can make up for the losses we face, but God can reframe them, and He can use the fallout to create beauty from the ashes and streams in the desert. Because that’s who He is. It’s His business. And if you’ve just lost someone, or are in anguish over the situation you’re in right now, you probably can’t comprehend that He could ever create something beautiful out of your loss.  And you don’t have to believe that now. Because this is something you can only discover, in time, as you walk with Him, and as you allow Him to heal the wounds and scars that you carry. But friends, that can happen in no other place than in His presence.

So, I’m not asking you to give up your grief. Or to let go of your anxiety. Because that may take a while, if not a lifetime. But what I am simply asking you to do is to go to Him with what you’re going through, and let Him start the work.

‘The retreat leader and spiritual director, Marjorie Thompson, tells the story of a conversation between an eighteenth-century priest and an elderly peasant who would sit alone for long hours in the quiet of the church. When the priest asked what he was doing, the old man simply replied, “I look at Him, He looks at me, and we are happy.”’ (An excerpt from Practising the Way by John Mark Comer.)

What if God does not require you to be OK right now? Or to enact the “correct” Christian response. But simply to be in His presence, as authentically as you can be, and allow Him to address the sin that got you here. Or the loss you did not choose. Or the disappointments you carry.

What if all He requires is your presence within His presence, no matter what life throws at you? Could you conceive of that? I don’t have the answers, and some of the answers we seek we will only find in the next life. But I do know the One who can heal the unthinkable and comfort the uncomfortable.

Would you let Him?

Praying for you in the journey, friend.