It’s been a few weeks, dear Reader, since I decided to proverbially put pen to paper more regularly. And I wish I could say it has been an easy run, but it hasn’t. Even as I sit to write this blog post, there is a tiny human in the room, doing acrobatics. Wonderful, I hear you say. But coupled with the acrobatics come YouTube music videos of kids’ songs (a la Bounce Patrol) designed to burrow into your brain and make a cosy home there. Click the link, if you dare!
So why? Why did I decide to commit to this, knowing I have a demanding Job, a family that needs me (including a busy toddler), and a number of other commitments simultaneously vying for my attention? Because I was tired of saying one thing and doing another. I cannot call myself a writer if I never write.
Now, for you, the goal may look different, but the sentiment remains the same. What is that thing you’ve been promising to do for the longest time, but just haven’t managed to start with… Or perhaps you’ve started, but after the very first failure, you’ve jumped ship. Is it getting in shape? Have you wanted to invest more in your marriage or family? Perhaps you wanted to study something again? Or is there that one hobby you’ve been putting off that you so desperately want to pursue? (I’m not talking to the serial hobbyists out there, you know the ones – the ones with the crochet needles, macrame yarn, a book collection, a basket weaving kit, and a chicken coop out back – I mean those of us who keep coming back to that one thing you can’t stop dreaming about and cannot let go of.)
My question to you is this: What are you waiting for?
I’ve wanted to be a writer for most of my life. I remember, as an 8-year-old, lying in the back of my parents’ bakkie (utility vehicle, for those non-South-Africans in the room), reading one of my 12 library books, engrossed in worlds and words and wishing I could create my own. This desire only grew, encouraged by teachers along the way. And yet, I’ve only taken up the pen in my forties. Now, that’s not the end of the world, because I’m not the only one to forge a new path a little bit later in life – and to be honest, I probably have a little more to say now than I did then. My only regret is that I waited so long. But I try not to linger in that headspace.
Each night, just before bed, Auri (my daughter) and I get to enjoy some reading time. She gets to pick two books, and we dive into them together. At the moment, Dr. Seuss is at the top of the pile, and we’ve been rotating through “The Cat in the Hat”, “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”, and “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!”. “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” is a book often given as a gift at graduations and milestone birthdays because, like many other children’s books, there is a deeper meaning that adults can enjoy. In this book, we read about a boy’s (our) journey and all of the mishaps and adventures he (we) encounters along the way. The other night, we were reading it and we came to this bit:
“You can get so confused / that you’ll start in to race / down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace / and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space, / headed, I fear, toward a most useless place. / The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting. / Waiting for a train to go / or a bus to come, or a plane to go / or the mail to come, or the rain to go / or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow / or the waiting around for a Yes or No / or waiting for their hair to grow. / Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite / or waiting for the wind to fly a kite / or waiting around for Friday night / or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake / or a pot to boil, or a Better Break / or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants / or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. / Everyone is just waiting.
NO! / That’s not for you! / Somehow you’ll escape / all that waiting and staying / You’ll find the bright places / where Boom Bands are playing. / With banner flip-flapping, / once more you’ll ride high! / Ready for anything under the sky. / Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!”
I’m not crying, you are…
So, how do we move beyond the waiting space and take some first steps towards our goals? Because let’s be honest, many of us stay in that “waiting room” because it’s comfortable, it’s less scary than taking that first step, and perhaps, we have a list of reasons why we think it won’t work out. And maybe, we’ve tried so many times that we’re just not willing to take the risk that we may just try and fail again.
But what if…
What if you don’t fail this time? Or what if you do, and you just have a good cry, dust yourself off, and keep plugging away at your goal? I was at a seminar on Temperaments this week, led by Lynette Beer and in it, she spoke about the importance of building up resilience if we hope to succeed. And her first point was this: “What if we could start from the premise that failure and disappointment will come to us all. None of us are exempt.” (My ad-lib version of what she shared.) Jon Acuff, an author in the goal space, calls this “The Day After Perfect”. In his book, Finish, he writes about how many people can sustain their goals for as long as they are able to perfectly execute their plan. Perhaps they’ve managed 5 days straight of heading to the gym, but on Day 6, they lapse. In their eyes, they fail. And that’s when they quit. Because there was no room for failure, and their plan only made room for perfection. Instead of celebrating 5 straight days, we focus on the day we “failed”. And this is such a lie. The only failure is quitting. What if you rather had a rule that said: “I can miss 1 day, but not 2.” Or what if you included rest days in your plan, and stayed consistent on your plan days? If you’re doing anything worthwhile, and if your life is not that of a Tibetan monk living alone on a mountain, you probably will miss a day, or maybe even two. Kids are going to get sick, you are going to pull a muscle, work will get hectic. But maybe this time, instead of beating yourself up, you pick yourself up and carry on on Day 4 as if nothing happened. And then do it again, and again, and again.
Great, so that’s landed. You’ve got this! And you’re going to tackle that thing you’ve been putting off! Look at you go! But I wouldn’t be responsible if I didn’t give you some tips for the roads, as you do:
Define your goal.
This sounds so obvious. But many of us have never written down what it is we want to achieve, or even, for that matter, given it a timeframe. What do you want to do, and when do you want to do it by? The murkier your goal, the less chance you’re going to achieve it. “I want to write a book” is a horrible goal. “I want to write a book of around 50,000 words in the next 8 months and want to start editing it by the end of March next year” is better. “I want to lose weight” is a terrible goal. “I want to lose 1.5 kg per month for the next 12 months” is better.
Know your why.
Why do you want to do this thing? Simon Sinek has built a whole career around this concept, because he’s helped us realise that companies (and individuals) that do not know WHY they are doing what they are doing will not make it for the long haul. It’s the same with us and our goals. Knowing our why helps us to determine whether we should be doing this thing in the first place, because sometimes, even worthwhile endeavours done for the wrong reasons will fail. The reason a “why” is so important, is because when the path to your goal becomes hard, and any worthwhile path will, it is our why that will keep us going. Want to lose weight? Why? What is your reason? Mine is good health, yes, but it’s also ensuring I am here for as long as I can be for my wife and daughter. Want to run a marathon? Why? What is your compelling why? Write it down and stick it up somewhere.
Create a realistic plan.
So many of us come up with a plan to attain our goal, and it is just not realistic for the life we have right now. That does not mean that we should abandon the goal. It means we need to tweak the plan. Jon Acuff says it this way: “Cut your goal in half. Choose what you’ll bomb. Make it fun if you want it done.” Often we have lofty aspirations of what we will do to attain our goals, but we are not taking our lives into account when we make our plan. Some of us want to jump from a morning jog to a full marathon. That’s just not realistic. If you have four kids, a job, a wife, a hobby, and you’re hoping to also fit in 2 hours of gym a day in order to reach your goal – let me be the one to burst your bubble – it’s not going to happen. But if you’re willing to stretch your timeline and do, say, 1 hour of gym a day – that may be doable. I could say that I will write 1000 words a day, but I can’t. My schedule just doesn’t line up with that for now. But instead of abandoning my goal, I’ve decided to do what I can in this season. Smaller increments over a long period end up being meaningful progress towards my goal. Some is better than none.
So, let’s get started! I want to encourage you to sit by yourself, or with a friend, and chat through the three steps above. Choose someone you trust who will steward what you’re sharing with them with sensitivity and honesty. It helps if you can find someone who’s made progress in the same field because they may have some wisdom to share. But please, DON’T GET OVERWHELMED! Take one small concrete step, even if it’s just one line in your journal – it’s a start. You’ve got this, Dear Reader!
Next week, we’ll be looking at three more steps to help you on the journey.
If you found this helpful, please share it with a friend, drop me a comment, and be sure to subscribe so that you get Part 2 in your inbox as it is released.
Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
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